Being away.

I have walked away from the Lord.
But He isn't concerned. He knows I will be back very soon.
He knows I don't like being away from Him.
He will wait patiently for me.

Which is far more than I can say about myself.
I don't like it that I've walked away.
I feel concerned, but I know I will be back very soon.
I know what He knows about me, and His confidence in me feels reassuring.
Though I can't stand waiting patiently to return. I want to be back with Him now.

Because I need Him to be there everyday.
Without Him, I can't make it through the day and be a good person/employee.
With Him, I feel like I can take on everything without fear.
With Him, I can love others with His heart, instead of my own.
I need Him more than I can ever imagine.
He is the source of all my love, hope, joy and peace.

He is the Lord God Jesus and none is bigger or better than my God!

Concerts and loneliness

Tonight, in Kansas City, Casting Crowns, Nichole Nordeman, and Josh Bates (with Tony Noland inspirational speaker). My singles small group was planning to have a few people go and I was determined to go. Mainly for Nichole Nordeman. She is a great singer, very talented pianist, and quite beautiful. She reminds me of my sister. She is also VERY real.

She told a story of incrediable shame and utter failure at refusing to see the will of God in a situation. The story was from her first tour and she was one of only two females. Before continuing, Nichole Nordeman is a Christian Artist and is reconized in the industry for her talents and gifts. On with the story.... This other woman (we'll call her Michelle) was an over the top Christian and no matter what, she was always happy. But Nichole noticed this happiness was a shell. And bit by bit, the more she was around Michelle, the shell would crumble. Inside was some serious pain that was overwhelming Nichole and would pray to the Lord (and she admitted it) in selfishness- Lord get this woman out of my life, why did You put her here!

Nichole would see Michelle and disapear because she didn't want to see her or talk to her. Later, after a couple of months after the tour ended, one of the people she was friends with (who was on the tour too) said, "Did you hear what happened to Michelle last week?" Nichole, with an open admission "The condition of my heart then was horrible, so I said, 'So what did Miss Drama Queen do now?'" Her friend just looked at her and didn't talk for several minutes. Then just said, "Michelle commited suicide." This affected Nichole and wrote a song about this, that God places people in our paths for a reason and we are to be there for them.

I got autographs on the CD's of Nichole's and Casting Crowns. The lead singer, Mark Hall, was having voice problems and it was great he was able to sing what he did tonight. But he wasn't at the signing, which I understand. I did get to meet the band and that was GREAT! And being the dorky/goof ball/lame-o that I am, it was a complete fiasco! I got pictures of all of them, EXCEPT the drummer! He was the best looking of them all...well the wife of one of the guitarists was very pretty, but the drummer was bald and that made all the difference!

Anyways...I attended the concert and sat between two couples. My date was God and I was filled with joy before and during the concert. At the end loneliness started to sneek in. I tried and tried to look to the Lord for resolution with this, but nothing came and the depression and loneliness kept on building! It wasn't until I got outside that I started to sing to the Lord, which lifted my spirits. I am still fighting it.

I will be up front and honest about this, I hate being alone. It sucks! But there is a reason I am this way and the Lord wants me for something unique or to correct a fault I have. The Lord is working on me, changing me and I don't have a clue what He wants of me. But He knows and will complete His work in me eventually, even if I am dragged kicking and screaming. I am trying to have faith and place my confidence in His hands.

I also got insanely angry about this. I mean, the devil is attacking me with images of happy couples, pretty woman who are married walking around in groups of other women... I just couldn't take it anymore! I didn't want my joy sucked away, my peace drowned in mud. Satan has no right to do that (I said it in a more crude way), the Lord's joy and peace are His to give and the devil has no right to it. The Lord created the universe, He can do anything! (NOTE TO SELF- God will do what He wants- if He wants to suck the joy and peace out of someone for a particular reason, He will. If He wants to give a million dollars to a man who doesn't deserve it, He will).

I am tired as I will be helping a friend move tomorrow as well as do Feel the People. I hope your weekend is blessed and full of friendship, love, joy, peace and beauty!

Psalm 4-18-06

I have been a beast of a man.
I have been horrible as I can.
Oh I need You Lord to be there.
Oh I desire You and Your care.
My anger will rise.
My fear will not subside.
Oh I need You Lord to be here.
Oh I want to be in Your care.
Mighty God where am I going.
I cannot fight my longing
For Your awesome grace
Your wonderful, beautiful face.
Oh I need You Lord to be there.
Oh I desire You and Your care.

You are here to save me.
You are there to help me be
The right man
For Your perfect plan.
To show the world Your love
To tell them You reign above.
Oh I need You Lord to be here.
Oh I want to be in Your care.

For I know, life is meaningless
Without You and Your wonderful
Life giving bliss!

A moment before He rises.

Tomorrow, almost 2000 years ago, the Son of man, the Son of the Most High God, the Light of the world, arose from the grave, victorious. God conquered death and it's grip upon us is worthless!

Yesterday, almost 2000 years ago, the Son of man, the Son of the Most High God, the Light of the world, went down into darkness...humbled, abused, beaten, and crushed. He was the perfect lamb to die for our sins, to save us from eternal seperation from God the Father. To save us from ourselves, to save us from complete destruction!

So I pray for you, dear reader, that the eyes of your heart be opened. The blinders removed. Your vision cleared to see the truth Jesus brings to you! You might have read that Christianity is a lie, full of hypocrites, theives and unloving zealot freaks. In fact, I challenage you to tell me about the Christianity you know, and I will most likely agree with you and even dislike it too. Once you're done, give me the courtesy of telling you about the Jesus I know who wants to enjoy a beautiful, loving, peaceful, enjoyable, fun filled relationship with you! Because that is REAL Christianity. Not a religion, but a relationship! Legalistic Christianity is NOT real! In fact, in Paul the Apostle's view, it could be considered a sin.

Why? Legalism (as it's called) doesn't build a person up, it belittles them. It doesn't affirm them, it tears down the spirit, crushing it under guilt and shame. It doesn't glorify the Lord, it causes people to flee. Jesus died on the cross to remove our shame, our fear, our bondage to such human created things! Why should we allow ourselves to be saddled with lists of Do this or Don't do that? What about doing a chant, a litergy or praying to a stone/wooden idol? GO DIRECTLY TO THE SOURCE! Remove the middle man, drop the pretense, open up and let God have it! Be honest, open and direct! Jesus set us free and you are free indeed!

-My Lord, this day, glorious awesome things have occured. My church's reach out event was very successful and allowed people to enjoy themselves with family and friends! Lord, You made the weather perfect! In fact, a predicted storm for the area was delayed because of You! It rained all around, but not at the Speedway! Thank You Lord for making it successful! Only You could have done that. Please, bless all of those that helped, all of those that visited, all of those that will eat the candy from the egg hunt. Bless them with peace, comfort and love for the rest of today and tomorrow! Please, bless Westside Family Church, the pastor staff, regular staff, and the volunteers with protection, strong spirit, conviction, and wisdom as we continue to seek your guidence during the coming year! Help us Lord be the best we can be to reach others for You and to grow them to be like You! In Your name I pray, Amen!

Psalm 4-10-06

Am I to be bold for You?
Is my path to cross those I know and love with You?
Is my heart finding it hard to love You?
Is my soul reeling from its walk away from You?
Am I to be Your son for the ones who seek You and want answers?
To all of these, I say yes.

I am to be bold for You!
I am to cross paths with the ones I know and love for You!
I am finding it hard to love You, but I know You will step in to help because I need it!
My soul is reeling from the disconnectedness I feel. The anguish is painful!
I am to be Your son to the seeking and questioning souls on this lost world!

So what is it I am doing wrong to not be bold?
Why do I fear crossing the paths of those I know?
Why do I find it hard to love You? Is it because I not obeying You?
Why is my soul reeling from the disconnection?
How can I be Your son to those who are seeking and questioning?

Lord, You can do anything and accomplish anything.
You are God and I am not.
You are in control.
You are the Sovereign God Almighty and there isn't another god but You!

Worthy are You of all praise!
Holy are You in all of the Universe and none is more holier than You!
You are God.
You are the Father, Creator of the heavens and earth.
You are my Best Friend and I love You for what You have done to change me to be like Jesus.
You are there for me everytime...And I know I haven't been there 100% because I am so human.

Perfect are You Lord, for we all fall short of Your glory! Please, never stop loving us because we depend upon You. We need You. I desire You. I want to obey Your every whim. I want to obey. I want to give it all to You. I want to be Yours and be one to go after Your own heart! I pray that I have.

Mighty God! Thank you for today and the wonderful work You granted me to do. Thank You for the people that I know. Thank You for the love of the small group. Thank You for allowing me to fail and to see I am nothing special outside of You! Thank You for making me who I am and for letting me live, despite my poor judgment and lack of wisdom! Thank You for keeping me from becoming a cruel and hateful man. Thank You for Your grace and granting it to Abraham so many years ago! Please, accept my thanks, even though it is nothing to the full due You are deserving of. In Your name I pray, Amen!

Praise to the One most worthy.

This is to Jesus. My King, my Lord, my Savior, my Best Friend.

Today, I got a call from my friend who has experienced much this week. His wife left and took his newborn daughter. The pain, shock, and fear for his daughter caused him huge amounts of pain. His wife gave no clue she was going to do this. In fact, everything was normal for most of the day, until that evening. The Life Group showed up to be with him and to lend support. We also counseled him, helped him decipher the clues and to be a calm voice during a major storm. God did wonderful things that day, by using my friend's spiritual buddies to help him out of a major bind.

Here is the deal though, I shouldn't have been available. I was working at a client with major issues and I was ready to fix a major problem with a monitor. The work would have taken hours to complete, but by a miracle, the problems went away. I tried to get the equipment to fail, but it started working flawlessly. So I left and my day was done. When I got to my work van, I found several calls from my friends, stating that the impossible has occured. My friend's wife left him. This is why I thought it was impossible...they loved each other more than any couple I knew and they put God first as best as they could in their marriage. But the Lord knew this was a crushing event to happen in my friend's life and He adjusted my schedule to be available. He did the same to all of us who went to visit him. It was a tense evening for all of us and we prayed for them!

Well, after a week, his wife is home with the child, and they will be seeing counselors over the next few weeks to resolve some of the issues they have. He did resolve a couple and was given lots of help to take care of it. The others will take time, but I know the Lord will be a more important factor in their lives now because my friend totally gave himself up to the Lord to fix it. And God did!

So I give praise to the Lord about this! No one could have done this without His intervention. And the results are too perfect! But all the praise in the world cannot do justice to the Lord of Creation, the God of Wonders and the King of kings! I just hope He accepts my humble attempt to thank Him for this wonderful thing He did for my friend (who is His son too). Thank you Jesus for saving the marriage of a man who really does love You. Thank you Jesus for showing me how to rely upon my godly friends to make it through the rough spots life throws at us. Thank you for keeping the group calm during this nightmare because there were so many times the wrong move could have been made. The whole thing would have gone out of control and everything would have been lost. Thank you for using us to help him. Thank you. In Your name I pray, Amen

The end is coming...

This blog might end soon. I am in process of prayer with the Lord to see if I should cut my internet connection to save money. Since I under bid myself so poorly, I'm going to have to make sacrifices.
I feel so horrible...no, very down, over what is going on. I realized I have a long way to go before I will ever be well enough for anything. I am just crushed over what is going on and I am trying to give it up to the Lord. He is the only one that can solve the problem. He is the only one that can fix me.

I also realized, I am not as obedient as I should be. Not only does the Lord want our love, but He wants obedience. They are almost equal to Him. I stink at being obedient, which means my love is worthless to the Lord.

-So Lord! It has come down to ending my ability to personally communicate with others via cellphone (I don't have a home phone) or email. In this age of communication, and being an IT worker, that means death to my career. So, I have to give it up to You, because You know what is going on and how it got this way. I am just the dumby behind the wheel and You're in the passenger seat. Jesus, I just don't know what else to say...I just don't. I give it to You. Amen!

I'm still learning.

Tonight, I discovered I am not very good. Not even improved or better. I'm still bad...at dealing with my finances. Or I am just incredibly stupid.

When I got my new job, they asked what I needed for pay, and I told them what I needed. I now realize, I low balled myself and have virtually no spending money. I just didn't want to rip them off and I wanted to be fair and honest.

What is bad, I really didn't buy anything expensive; a few books, food and two CDs. I am not counting my tithe, but for some reason it hurt when I gave this time. Really, all I can do is give it up to God. Because He is the smarts to my stupidness. Oh, and anyone reading this, guess what? God is my brain now, I seemed to have left mine somewhere...what was I saying?

I was reading in the Word tonight and I seem to have lost the scripture I was reading. I don't know why I moved the bible when I started looking over my finances tonight.

From what I remember, Jesus was in Tyre and a Greek woman came to Him, pleading for His help with her possessed daughter. He told her "Stand at the end of the line woman, the 'children' are to be fed first and the leftovers will be given to the 'dogs'." And her prompt reply was, "Even the dogs that beg at the table are tossed scraps once in awhile."

This was such a wonderful reply, Jesus granted her request for help and her daughter was healed and set free from the demon. Imagine having a mind like that, to reply to the Lord with such a great thing. I wonder if she ever accepted Him into her heart after it was all said and done? Only He knows for sure.

I am going to end this without a prayer. My discovery tonight sapped me of energy. May the Lord bless your day tomorrow with love, peace and victory!

No excuse.

I have none. I have made a conscious choice to do what I do. Some is good, some is bad, but the good I am doing is doing so much! I've also haven't been blogging.

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What I want to write about today is about the beauty of the Lord. This Spring, more and more I am seeing this. The gentle greening of the grass, the slow budding of the trees, the gorgious blooming of the flowers. Not to mention the fantastic weather (storms included)! It's so awesome what He is doing right now. To me, it just shows how much He wants us to see Him in everything. Because not only is God love, He is also beauty.

The Lord is beauty beyond expectation, beyond the most beautiful thing on this world. Nothing is more gorgious and beautiful than Him. I am so thankful I have eyes that can see the color and glory and beauty that makes up this world. My God is a beautiful God and I love Him more because of it! How is He beautiful?

I consider everything around us to be made by the Lord. Buildings were built by man, so they don't count, but what I do count are things that are on the ground, like plants, mountains, oceans, etc. I know many of you have seen photographs of different animals in their natural habitats, but many people just see the photo. What they don't see, are the plants that are there, the spirit filled wild animal, the uniqueness of the area and the touch of God about the whole thing. Its all beautiful, its all amazing, its all wild, its so God!

This post is a short one for several reasons. First, I wanted to get something out. Second, I want to proclaim that this blog will be about Jesus and the Father, and the great work He is putting me through. Third, I want to express how much I love the Lord and to give thanks what He is doing in my life!

There is a reason for this...

A big reason. During my time now, I haven't been able to move my schedule around to deal with my new job. This hits me in an important spot...my time with the Lord! I haven't been able to do it or I am not at my best or I'm not...there. I get home from work, and I'm just tired or I'm not wanting to do anything. Just like a typical man.

That has been something I've been trying to do, not be a typical man. Well, I'm different in a lot of areas of my life, but coming home after work and just "clocking off", that is such a man. I know of hundreds of men that do that, and I guess I'm one of them.

Well, there is safety in numbers, but in this instance, it doesn't count. If I had to deal with a woman right now, I would be in serious trouble. She still has 3000-5000 more words to say out of her wonderful head before she sleeps. I've already have reached my max for the day so I have to recharge. Well, not really. I'm a bit of a talker, so I could talk to other people well beyond the 3000 limit most men have. I actually enjoy talk with other pepople and hope they enjoy talking with me too!

But another thought came to my head, Daylight Saving Time. If I get my schedule turned around to the way I want it, then I would be back in the same boat and have to change it again. Why don't I make one big change and then stick to it? All I can do is hope and have faith in the Lord that I will be able to do that.

-Dear Lord in Heaven, my God, my King, my Best Friend, thank you for today. It was beautiful and wonderful! Only You can create such great days! Only You can make the beauty that exists on this world. Only You!
-Father God, I pray for Your continued influence in my friend's life and use me as needed to achieve what You want in their life. I am Your man Lord, use me! I also pray for help Jesus! I need Your help to change my schedule, to change my sleep pattern. To change the way I process information in the evening, to actually make things boring to me, because I find just about anything interesting! Lord, I leave it up to You because I want to give You my morning, the first part of the day, to You! You are so worthy and deserve more praise than I will ever be able to give! In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Psalm Dated 3-26-06

What is it that I seek from You Lord?
What is it that I want from You Lord?
I seek Your heart, mighty God.
I want Your love, mighty God.
I know You love to give it, if I seek it with my whole heart.
What is it that You seek from me?
What is it that You want from me?
You seek my heart.
You want my love.
I gladly give it to you as best as I can.
I will give as much of me as I can!
I know I am not You...so perfect and all knowing,
But I know You accept me as I am.
You are my God and there is no other god.
You are my Love and there is no other love.
I want You.
I need You.
I desire You.
You are important to me, and I will make that statement until the day I die.
You are my life.
You are life, and the way.
You are my God and You will not go away.
Bless me to help those You want helped.
Bless me with strength and courage to help them.
Bless me with love to love the unloveable.
Bless me with Your wisdom to know how to help them.
You are perfection, not a blemish on You.
You are real, without a hint of a shell.
Nothing can harm You, nothing can stop You.
You are God and I am not.

I apologize...

I have been leaving some really lame posts with little substance to them! Please forgive me?

Cramps of a non-female kind and printers.

I truly love the Lord and having His involvement in my life is awesome! Jesus most effective way to get me out of bed in the morning is to give me strange dreams OR leg cramps. I think His favorite is leg cramps.

I have very powerful calf muscles and rarely do they cause me any trouble. Recently, I've been developing eye popping calf cramps! You know, the ones that force your foot into thinking you are walking on your toes...yeah those. Not as bad as charlie horsed, but effective enough to wake you up in a hurry. Well, Jesus wanted me up this morning. Not sure why, but I tried to stay awake, but the leg cramps got worse and I finally woke up. There must be a reason...or He just wanted to get me out of bed for none other than to not let me get lazy. Do I blame Him, well, I am not sure. He wants me to do many things of which I haven't been very good at keeping up on them. When I lost my job last June, I got out of my rhythm and slipped on doing things that I normally did. Plus, I've been helping someone with some personal matters.

I do know this, my ministry Robot printer is flaking out again. Age and massive over use has taken it's toll on the poor thing. So, I decided to do some work on it. The arm had some loose screws and the picker teeth lost a rubber band...yes, that is correct a RUBBER BAND. I tightened everything, replaced the rubber band, and oiled the guides and lifting screw...and it runs well now! Granted, the printer squeals like a pig sometimes (inkjets are sloppy with their ink and spew it everywhere) because there is ink in some cog or wheel someplace. The guide bar for the print head is all oiled, so I know that isn't the case. Well, it just needs to go back to the manufacturer to get overhauled!

We do have another printer/robot in mind and hope to get it soon. It can print many more disks at a time and uses HP print technology. In my opinion, HP technology prints better on CDs. As to being more ink pinching, the cows are out on that. So far, our Primera Technology Signature Pro can squeeze out almost 1000 CDs with a single color cart. That is provided I can reduce the amount of ink it uses and color content of the graphics. I would love to do full rich color, dynamic graphics, with powerful bold text. But, that would be what I want, not what the Lord wants. My church doesn't mind it if we did the full graphics, but the costs of the CDs would jump through the roof. When we had our failed CD printer (of a brand I will not mention, unless you care to know, leave a comment [moderated] with your email address and I will tell you want it was), our ink use was very high when we were using it. If I remember, we were getting about 380 to 400 CDs per cartridge, which was twice as large as the Primera ink cartridge, and almost double the cost.

So today, I am watching the printer/robot to ensure it prints and doesn't swing it's arm into the input bay. I observed this before and was very concerned. All I can do is leave it up to the Lord to make sure it works. It is His work that we do after all and these messages are saving lives and finding new ones for His family. They are going all over the world. I have a graphic, but it isn't on the computer I am posting from. Once I put in the places the CDs are going to, it was awesome! Some of the CDs bounce through others before they reach their final destination. God is awesome and nothing will ever get in His way!

-Father, today, I tried to get into Your Word, but I wasn't mentally there. Please forgive me. I feel like I am slipping, so PLEASE grab a hold of me and stop the sliding! I want to be Yours, I want Your influence in my life, I want Your love to guide me through all the joys and pitfalls of life! I am Your son, Your child, Yours, period. You are my God, my Father, my Savior, my Best Friend and nothing will ever compare to the greatness of all that You are and can do. Bring me close to You, enfold me in Your loving arms, sit me upon Your peaceful lap, like a Father who loves His son and wants to enjoy a moment of closeness with him. You are my God, and I will love You forever and ever! In Jesus' name I pray, amen!

Hated by the World.

Yes, I am. I am hated because of what I beleive, how I love, who I am. And I know my Lord protects me, holds me, comforts me, guides me. Right now, I need His guidance more than ever because I don't want to walk away from Him!

My God is an awesome God and there is no other God but Him. He hears prayer and saves those who cry out to Him! His love goes beyond comprehension and covers all sin! Jesus, who gave His life so that you can live, loves you- no matter what. There is nothing that He can't do and will do just about anything to save someone! He will come running, if you call out to Him. He will stop at nothing to save you! Jesus is so awesome...!

This post is nothing special, just my desire to love the Lord and to show it. I have been very busy with helping someone out of a terrific jam, plus work has been very busy too. But, I think the Lord is OK with me not blogging. Because to Him, that one person that gets saved is worth more than the whole world! He loves us THAT MUCH and more. Far more. Can you imagine that? Jesus is awesome...!

I give praise to Jesus for hearing my prayers. I give praise to the Lord for solving a hurting soul's troubles. I give praise to the Lord for letting that soul know, He was there. I give praise to the Lord for keeping me in this soul's life so I could help! Every time I gave them up to You, there was more for me to follow! You saved them Lord, not me and I am thankful to be your tool to stop the torment of someone's HEART! I hope it is Yours now and I know You'll do a better job of caring for them than any human on this earth! Blessed is He would saves the souls of the weak! In Your name I pray, Amen!

Friends not servants.

Jesus told his disciples, "You are my friends...because servants don't understand what their master is thinking." John 15:13-14 (MSG)

I want the Lord as my friend. I want Him to be my best buddy, best friend, best everything. I so desire that relationship. No human will ever fill the void I have in my heart and soul, but He can. I also want to learn things that have eternal consquences. I pray for His guidance in this matter. Because life is so short, but with Him, it will be eternal, so not learn something that will be used forever? That would be a wise thing to do.

But to see Jesus say, "You are my friends..." takes my breath. Jesus wants me to be His friend. He wants to be your friend. I just want to throw myself on the ground and let it all loose. He lowers Himself so much to meet us and to be with us. Jesus, I want YOU!

I also want to be on His vine and produce great quantities of grapes! In John 15:1-8, He tells us He is the Vine and we are the branches that produce grapes and the Father is the Farmer. He will prune the branches, removing the dead ones and straightning up the living ones, cutting off that doesn't need to be there. His work will ensure a good crop! I have survived one pruning, and it was a big clean up job! I feel like the one and only plant I have in my aparment. My bamboo! Once in awhile, I will clean it up by pruning the leaves.

- My Lord, I know I don't see what you're doing now, but I do see what you did after several months had passed. I am greatful for the pruning you did in my life and I pray for the strength to survive the next one. I also pray to learn and experience eternal things that can be used while I am with You. Lord I love You and desire that relationship that I can never find with another person. I choose You, just like You choose me and the other 12! In You name I pray, Amen.

Fisher of People.

What am I to the Lord? Do I have value? Am I hear to do something else besides my own life?

The last two questions I would answer Yes to. The first's answer is: A fisher of people. I am a fisher. What was Jesus really talking about? He wants us to help others hear the Good News, the Massiah has come, died for our sins and is now living in heaven with the Lord at His right side.

We are selfish, when it comes down to it, in our choice to become a Christian. But only yourself can choose to become a Christian. I can't decide for you and neither can anyone else you know. Only you can save yourself. Of that, I have been attacked by someone very close to me, as being selfish for what I did and I should have taken them with me. Salvation is a gift given to one person when it is presented. Granted, hundreds might see the salvation, and each can accept it then, but it is presented as if it is only to that individual person. Am I making sense? God custom taylors grace on a per individual basis. That day I accepted Christ back into my life, it was custom made just for me and no one else. And that is how God will do it for you.

-Lord, my heart is heavy with sorrow. Personal and external. I pray for those who are down, crushed and have hearts that are full of pain and sorrow! Lord, bless them with what is needed to succeed and to remove what is causing the problem. Help them see Your awesome love! I pray for my own sorrow. My hands are tied and I'm unable to affect it. So, Father, I give it up to You, because I know You can fix it or help them fix it. I seek comfort or peace for those in so much pain and there is nothing I can do to help, but be there for them. Help me be there for them Lord! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Memories.

I feel like a fool today. Also, I am up at 4 AM for work. I'm driving out to Moberly, MO to educate and install equipment. This is going to be fun because I know the Lord is going to be with me.

But, I wanted to get something off my chest. I have a bad memory and it's very recent. There was a visiting pastor from Saddleback Church (Rick Warren's church) who spoke today. It was funny because I could tell he was from California. He had tan skin and his clothes were comfortable and relaxed and up to date. Yet, we wasn't origonally from LA, but from Kentucky.

Well, the idiot that was I asked him if he knew Michael W. Smith, who was from KY and I think still lives there... The slight look I noticed and the change in his behavior towards me was evident. It wasn't hostile, but he wanted to end the conversation quickly.

I have been tormented, for some stupid reason by some lower level demon, about this. I want to make it clear: If I sinned against this man, then the Lord will forgive me. Also, I pray for forgiveness from him because that was the most stupid thing I could have ever said...

There! It is off my chest, and YOU little demon are out of a job. Go home to your, whatever home, and whimper. The Lord of all of Creation has made me clean and justified, in His name, Amen!

The future is...

Unknown.
I have to leave it up God. I have to. I have desires for things, but they are worthless unless I have given myself up to His desires for me. I fully realize that!

I know that people don't want to hear that because everyone has a plan. Well, my plan is God's plan. I leave it all to Him, everything. Do I have goals? There are ideas of what I want to do, but they do have to match what He wants of me. So those are on hold or might not happen at all. All I can do is pray to the Lord on the direction He wants me to take.

What is my purpose? As Rick Warren put it at the beginning of his book, Purpose Driven Life, "It's not about you." Life isn't about me and the moment I realized that, things changed. I wanted to do what the Lord wants of me. I try and I know I'm not perfect. In fact, I have stumbled and failed many times, but I have had major victories because of Him being in my life. Because of my own stupid, foolish actions, I am with Him now, loving and encouraging others in the Family of God. I want people to succeed with knowing the Lord. The rest is up to them.

The things that are happening now, belong to the Lord. Sure, I am struggling to adjust my schedule so that He gets the first part of my day- after my brain wakes up. I admit, I am a very dumb person in the morning and it takes me several minutes to wind up. So I try to give Him my best state of mind.

I so want more of the Lord in my life. I know that sounds dangerous, and it is, but it is something I truly desire. When I am close to Him, my heart sings out in praise, my soul dances with glee, my spirit plays beautiful music- which all glorifies Him. Those days, when I am not as close as I want to be to the Lord, my heart is in pain, my soul dances like it has two left feet, and my spirit plays out of tune music.

He knows I am troubled by my inability to get my schedule under control. He knows, how I feel about the new job; I am thankful for it, and is worthless without Him in it also. God comes first in my life and I will be very blunt with people about that: I will pick God over you any day.

If He wants me to do something, I will make sure it gets done, even if it means my own discomfort. I work in two ministries at my church (as I have mentioned before) and one of them involves designing and printing CD labels for the messages. I have been at my church for hours on end, work, designing, printing, baby sitting equipment as they churn out these CD's. I do this all for free and the CD's are give away for free. My church strongly believes one should not charge for a message! I feel the same way.

I have been to a church that had a bookstore/message center and I was curious what they had to offer. I understand charging for books, and in most cases, for a tiny, tiny profit. But the CD's and DVD's this church had to offer were insanely priced!! $35 for a DVD?! That was all I wanted to see and left the store. I felt like Jesus when He entered the temple and overturned the money changers tables- I was angry! How could they do that? Sure, they need money, but that much for a video? And it was the senior pastor of the church, not a guest speaker! It was then, my eyes saw what the Father wanted me to see and what was going on at this church. They seemed to be all about the bling and not the saving. They seemed to be more interested in your money and not filling your spiritual tummy. Those types of churches seem so fake to me, empty of real passion, and genuine kindness. I hope and pray to the Lord, my church doesn't turn into one like that and stays humble and accepts the will of God, and His plan for its future.

-Father God, Lord Jesus, I give up to You my sins and I pray for Your forgiveness. I know I am a sinner and I continue to pray for Your changing influence in my life. Lord, I want to be closer to You, I want more of You in my life! I also want to be used by You, because I know, I am Your man to help as best as I can! Jesus, help me bend to this new schedule I am in so I can give You a better slice of my time each and every day. Teach me more of Your Word and how I can use it to help others find You and see Your love for them. You are the light of my life! You are the way because I see that now. You are a part of my life that none can separate. You are the love of my life because none have been able to get close to me as You have. You are the reason I live. Thank You Lord for giving me life and for allowing me to experience what I have gone through. I feel more blessed each and every day, even it I don't realize it! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Feed the People, again!

Today, over 310 people have been given hot full plates of food and tea. Each and everyone of these people have been blesses in one way or another. They've also been given a glimpse of the Lord's love for them!


No matter what they have done, are doing, or will do, God will still love them. He accepts them with all of their faults. He desires them, no matter what. Imagine that? The God of the Universe, of Heaven, and beyond, wants imperfect and corruptible people. In fact, I would place myself into their category because we are all imperfect and full of sin. Yet, today, God used me to show those that are lost or being driven under for some unknown reason, He loves them and desires them. To me, a large steaming plate of food on a cold day, without charge and prepared by hand by volunteers, speaks volumes to me. God is love!


Also today, I discovered how to enjoy life even more with people I don't even know. A person can call this effect "familyhood". Basically, its when Christians, who are real Believers in Christ, get together and have a great time as brothers and sisters of the Lord! And believe me, the Lord can turn any boring party, as long as it is recognized that He is the reason we are there, into a fantastic adventure of joy and happiness! Jesus wants us to enjoy life! He wants us to be in fellowship with each other! He wants us to love one another and He will use His gifts to help us enjoy our time together!

I am so thankful to Him because of this great day! Today was His and was for Him. We fed many, many people and they graciously accepted the food and blessed us while we blessed them! It was truly wonderful to see their eyes light up at the site of this food! And I got to see the Lord in each of their eyes, because He said "For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me." (Matt 25:35-36 NLT) Oh, yeah, we also gave them socks, some clothes, gloves, soap, water, tea...It was all given, for free! And Jesus was in each of them. The passion I feel over this whole thing goes beyond comprehension! I helped feed God today, or rather over 310 individuals of God! :)
In either case, I got some photos and plan to post them when the server is ready! Or is it ready now... If you see something, then it is! :)

-My Lord, who rules on High, I am awe at the this great day! I feel for those that are going to be outside in the cold and slush. I feel for those who are going to bed on cardboard or are sleeping in a dangerous places. I feel for those who are suffering at the hand of the devil! My Lord, keep them safe tomorrow! Bless them with so much love, joy and peace, they won't know what to do with it! Please watch over my mother as she drives home it the bad weather, bless her with good reflexes and insight as she drives! Again, thank you for today! In Jesus name I pray, Amen

Good health.

I had a doctors appointment today and I was glad to have it. I have been curious as to what my weight is and how I am doing, internally. Also, to tell them I have been experiencing some other problems that might be related to Diverticculitus (spelling?). All I can do is leave it up to the Lord to solve.

But, after having my blood drawn, they tested it and found that I am actually in very good health! No diabeties, low Cholesterol, and other readings were good. I will say, I questioned them about my blood pressure, which was good, it did have a high seconard number. I was told my heart is not resting after it beats as well as it can be. Also, my LDL was borderline at 101 with a suggested high of 100. I was happy, yet the doctor was more happier than me. She decided to print it out!

--Lord, tonight I pray for the man that experienced a massive heart attack. I pray for his family and loved ones at they cope with this traggedy. Jesus, I also pray for those going through hard relationships an the pain associated with them. Please bless them as they are in need of your forgiveness and strength. Lord, I pray for those that are hungry and in need of shelter, bless them with what they need to live in this inthe world! I am tired and I ask for your blessing upon my sleep and others who need sleep too. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!