I apologize...

I have been leaving some really lame posts with little substance to them! Please forgive me?

Cramps of a non-female kind and printers.

I truly love the Lord and having His involvement in my life is awesome! Jesus most effective way to get me out of bed in the morning is to give me strange dreams OR leg cramps. I think His favorite is leg cramps.

I have very powerful calf muscles and rarely do they cause me any trouble. Recently, I've been developing eye popping calf cramps! You know, the ones that force your foot into thinking you are walking on your toes...yeah those. Not as bad as charlie horsed, but effective enough to wake you up in a hurry. Well, Jesus wanted me up this morning. Not sure why, but I tried to stay awake, but the leg cramps got worse and I finally woke up. There must be a reason...or He just wanted to get me out of bed for none other than to not let me get lazy. Do I blame Him, well, I am not sure. He wants me to do many things of which I haven't been very good at keeping up on them. When I lost my job last June, I got out of my rhythm and slipped on doing things that I normally did. Plus, I've been helping someone with some personal matters.

I do know this, my ministry Robot printer is flaking out again. Age and massive over use has taken it's toll on the poor thing. So, I decided to do some work on it. The arm had some loose screws and the picker teeth lost a rubber band...yes, that is correct a RUBBER BAND. I tightened everything, replaced the rubber band, and oiled the guides and lifting screw...and it runs well now! Granted, the printer squeals like a pig sometimes (inkjets are sloppy with their ink and spew it everywhere) because there is ink in some cog or wheel someplace. The guide bar for the print head is all oiled, so I know that isn't the case. Well, it just needs to go back to the manufacturer to get overhauled!

We do have another printer/robot in mind and hope to get it soon. It can print many more disks at a time and uses HP print technology. In my opinion, HP technology prints better on CDs. As to being more ink pinching, the cows are out on that. So far, our Primera Technology Signature Pro can squeeze out almost 1000 CDs with a single color cart. That is provided I can reduce the amount of ink it uses and color content of the graphics. I would love to do full rich color, dynamic graphics, with powerful bold text. But, that would be what I want, not what the Lord wants. My church doesn't mind it if we did the full graphics, but the costs of the CDs would jump through the roof. When we had our failed CD printer (of a brand I will not mention, unless you care to know, leave a comment [moderated] with your email address and I will tell you want it was), our ink use was very high when we were using it. If I remember, we were getting about 380 to 400 CDs per cartridge, which was twice as large as the Primera ink cartridge, and almost double the cost.

So today, I am watching the printer/robot to ensure it prints and doesn't swing it's arm into the input bay. I observed this before and was very concerned. All I can do is leave it up to the Lord to make sure it works. It is His work that we do after all and these messages are saving lives and finding new ones for His family. They are going all over the world. I have a graphic, but it isn't on the computer I am posting from. Once I put in the places the CDs are going to, it was awesome! Some of the CDs bounce through others before they reach their final destination. God is awesome and nothing will ever get in His way!

-Father, today, I tried to get into Your Word, but I wasn't mentally there. Please forgive me. I feel like I am slipping, so PLEASE grab a hold of me and stop the sliding! I want to be Yours, I want Your influence in my life, I want Your love to guide me through all the joys and pitfalls of life! I am Your son, Your child, Yours, period. You are my God, my Father, my Savior, my Best Friend and nothing will ever compare to the greatness of all that You are and can do. Bring me close to You, enfold me in Your loving arms, sit me upon Your peaceful lap, like a Father who loves His son and wants to enjoy a moment of closeness with him. You are my God, and I will love You forever and ever! In Jesus' name I pray, amen!

Hated by the World.

Yes, I am. I am hated because of what I beleive, how I love, who I am. And I know my Lord protects me, holds me, comforts me, guides me. Right now, I need His guidance more than ever because I don't want to walk away from Him!

My God is an awesome God and there is no other God but Him. He hears prayer and saves those who cry out to Him! His love goes beyond comprehension and covers all sin! Jesus, who gave His life so that you can live, loves you- no matter what. There is nothing that He can't do and will do just about anything to save someone! He will come running, if you call out to Him. He will stop at nothing to save you! Jesus is so awesome...!

This post is nothing special, just my desire to love the Lord and to show it. I have been very busy with helping someone out of a terrific jam, plus work has been very busy too. But, I think the Lord is OK with me not blogging. Because to Him, that one person that gets saved is worth more than the whole world! He loves us THAT MUCH and more. Far more. Can you imagine that? Jesus is awesome...!

I give praise to Jesus for hearing my prayers. I give praise to the Lord for solving a hurting soul's troubles. I give praise to the Lord for letting that soul know, He was there. I give praise to the Lord for keeping me in this soul's life so I could help! Every time I gave them up to You, there was more for me to follow! You saved them Lord, not me and I am thankful to be your tool to stop the torment of someone's HEART! I hope it is Yours now and I know You'll do a better job of caring for them than any human on this earth! Blessed is He would saves the souls of the weak! In Your name I pray, Amen!

Friends not servants.

Jesus told his disciples, "You are my friends...because servants don't understand what their master is thinking." John 15:13-14 (MSG)

I want the Lord as my friend. I want Him to be my best buddy, best friend, best everything. I so desire that relationship. No human will ever fill the void I have in my heart and soul, but He can. I also want to learn things that have eternal consquences. I pray for His guidance in this matter. Because life is so short, but with Him, it will be eternal, so not learn something that will be used forever? That would be a wise thing to do.

But to see Jesus say, "You are my friends..." takes my breath. Jesus wants me to be His friend. He wants to be your friend. I just want to throw myself on the ground and let it all loose. He lowers Himself so much to meet us and to be with us. Jesus, I want YOU!

I also want to be on His vine and produce great quantities of grapes! In John 15:1-8, He tells us He is the Vine and we are the branches that produce grapes and the Father is the Farmer. He will prune the branches, removing the dead ones and straightning up the living ones, cutting off that doesn't need to be there. His work will ensure a good crop! I have survived one pruning, and it was a big clean up job! I feel like the one and only plant I have in my aparment. My bamboo! Once in awhile, I will clean it up by pruning the leaves.

- My Lord, I know I don't see what you're doing now, but I do see what you did after several months had passed. I am greatful for the pruning you did in my life and I pray for the strength to survive the next one. I also pray to learn and experience eternal things that can be used while I am with You. Lord I love You and desire that relationship that I can never find with another person. I choose You, just like You choose me and the other 12! In You name I pray, Amen.

Fisher of People.

What am I to the Lord? Do I have value? Am I hear to do something else besides my own life?

The last two questions I would answer Yes to. The first's answer is: A fisher of people. I am a fisher. What was Jesus really talking about? He wants us to help others hear the Good News, the Massiah has come, died for our sins and is now living in heaven with the Lord at His right side.

We are selfish, when it comes down to it, in our choice to become a Christian. But only yourself can choose to become a Christian. I can't decide for you and neither can anyone else you know. Only you can save yourself. Of that, I have been attacked by someone very close to me, as being selfish for what I did and I should have taken them with me. Salvation is a gift given to one person when it is presented. Granted, hundreds might see the salvation, and each can accept it then, but it is presented as if it is only to that individual person. Am I making sense? God custom taylors grace on a per individual basis. That day I accepted Christ back into my life, it was custom made just for me and no one else. And that is how God will do it for you.

-Lord, my heart is heavy with sorrow. Personal and external. I pray for those who are down, crushed and have hearts that are full of pain and sorrow! Lord, bless them with what is needed to succeed and to remove what is causing the problem. Help them see Your awesome love! I pray for my own sorrow. My hands are tied and I'm unable to affect it. So, Father, I give it up to You, because I know You can fix it or help them fix it. I seek comfort or peace for those in so much pain and there is nothing I can do to help, but be there for them. Help me be there for them Lord! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Memories.

I feel like a fool today. Also, I am up at 4 AM for work. I'm driving out to Moberly, MO to educate and install equipment. This is going to be fun because I know the Lord is going to be with me.

But, I wanted to get something off my chest. I have a bad memory and it's very recent. There was a visiting pastor from Saddleback Church (Rick Warren's church) who spoke today. It was funny because I could tell he was from California. He had tan skin and his clothes were comfortable and relaxed and up to date. Yet, we wasn't origonally from LA, but from Kentucky.

Well, the idiot that was I asked him if he knew Michael W. Smith, who was from KY and I think still lives there... The slight look I noticed and the change in his behavior towards me was evident. It wasn't hostile, but he wanted to end the conversation quickly.

I have been tormented, for some stupid reason by some lower level demon, about this. I want to make it clear: If I sinned against this man, then the Lord will forgive me. Also, I pray for forgiveness from him because that was the most stupid thing I could have ever said...

There! It is off my chest, and YOU little demon are out of a job. Go home to your, whatever home, and whimper. The Lord of all of Creation has made me clean and justified, in His name, Amen!

The future is...

Unknown.
I have to leave it up God. I have to. I have desires for things, but they are worthless unless I have given myself up to His desires for me. I fully realize that!

I know that people don't want to hear that because everyone has a plan. Well, my plan is God's plan. I leave it all to Him, everything. Do I have goals? There are ideas of what I want to do, but they do have to match what He wants of me. So those are on hold or might not happen at all. All I can do is pray to the Lord on the direction He wants me to take.

What is my purpose? As Rick Warren put it at the beginning of his book, Purpose Driven Life, "It's not about you." Life isn't about me and the moment I realized that, things changed. I wanted to do what the Lord wants of me. I try and I know I'm not perfect. In fact, I have stumbled and failed many times, but I have had major victories because of Him being in my life. Because of my own stupid, foolish actions, I am with Him now, loving and encouraging others in the Family of God. I want people to succeed with knowing the Lord. The rest is up to them.

The things that are happening now, belong to the Lord. Sure, I am struggling to adjust my schedule so that He gets the first part of my day- after my brain wakes up. I admit, I am a very dumb person in the morning and it takes me several minutes to wind up. So I try to give Him my best state of mind.

I so want more of the Lord in my life. I know that sounds dangerous, and it is, but it is something I truly desire. When I am close to Him, my heart sings out in praise, my soul dances with glee, my spirit plays beautiful music- which all glorifies Him. Those days, when I am not as close as I want to be to the Lord, my heart is in pain, my soul dances like it has two left feet, and my spirit plays out of tune music.

He knows I am troubled by my inability to get my schedule under control. He knows, how I feel about the new job; I am thankful for it, and is worthless without Him in it also. God comes first in my life and I will be very blunt with people about that: I will pick God over you any day.

If He wants me to do something, I will make sure it gets done, even if it means my own discomfort. I work in two ministries at my church (as I have mentioned before) and one of them involves designing and printing CD labels for the messages. I have been at my church for hours on end, work, designing, printing, baby sitting equipment as they churn out these CD's. I do this all for free and the CD's are give away for free. My church strongly believes one should not charge for a message! I feel the same way.

I have been to a church that had a bookstore/message center and I was curious what they had to offer. I understand charging for books, and in most cases, for a tiny, tiny profit. But the CD's and DVD's this church had to offer were insanely priced!! $35 for a DVD?! That was all I wanted to see and left the store. I felt like Jesus when He entered the temple and overturned the money changers tables- I was angry! How could they do that? Sure, they need money, but that much for a video? And it was the senior pastor of the church, not a guest speaker! It was then, my eyes saw what the Father wanted me to see and what was going on at this church. They seemed to be all about the bling and not the saving. They seemed to be more interested in your money and not filling your spiritual tummy. Those types of churches seem so fake to me, empty of real passion, and genuine kindness. I hope and pray to the Lord, my church doesn't turn into one like that and stays humble and accepts the will of God, and His plan for its future.

-Father God, Lord Jesus, I give up to You my sins and I pray for Your forgiveness. I know I am a sinner and I continue to pray for Your changing influence in my life. Lord, I want to be closer to You, I want more of You in my life! I also want to be used by You, because I know, I am Your man to help as best as I can! Jesus, help me bend to this new schedule I am in so I can give You a better slice of my time each and every day. Teach me more of Your Word and how I can use it to help others find You and see Your love for them. You are the light of my life! You are the way because I see that now. You are a part of my life that none can separate. You are the love of my life because none have been able to get close to me as You have. You are the reason I live. Thank You Lord for giving me life and for allowing me to experience what I have gone through. I feel more blessed each and every day, even it I don't realize it! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.