I'm down...

I now realize, I am alone.
The weight of it is bearing down upon me.
It crushes my spirit and suffocates my will.
This won't be a rhyme, just something to write and flushes my mind.
I no longer have a Best Friend.
I lost Him to my own selfishness.
I no longer have a best friend.
Because there is no one to fill that role.
I have friends, but none that I can truly hang out with.
I feel so alone.

Sorrow grips my heart.
The pain of depression swells up and drowns my mind.
If it is the will of God that I am to be alone, then give me a happy heart because I am not happy!
If I am to be alone, give me joy to be so.
Or finish me off because the suffering is so much!

I bet the suffering is my own fault- it always is. If that is the case, then SHOW ME WHAT THE HELL I AM SUPPOSED TO DO?

You've taken my TV. You've taken my friends, church, RELATIONSHIPS- EVERY FUCKING THING! WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU WANT FROM ME GOD?! I am angry, tired, depressed and blind. Make me see, Lord! Make me see what You want. I think you want me to do something and then I get a different message and have to completely change it all. I am tired. Good night, Lord.