Tonight, in Kansas City, Casting Crowns, Nichole Nordeman, and Josh Bates (with Tony Noland inspirational speaker). My singles small group was planning to have a few people go and I was determined to go. Mainly for Nichole Nordeman. She is a great singer, very talented pianist, and quite beautiful. She reminds me of my sister. She is also VERY real.
She told a story of incrediable shame and utter failure at refusing to see the will of God in a situation. The story was from her first tour and she was one of only two females. Before continuing, Nichole Nordeman is a Christian Artist and is reconized in the industry for her talents and gifts. On with the story.... This other woman (we'll call her Michelle) was an over the top Christian and no matter what, she was always happy. But Nichole noticed this happiness was a shell. And bit by bit, the more she was around Michelle, the shell would crumble. Inside was some serious pain that was overwhelming Nichole and would pray to the Lord (and she admitted it) in selfishness- Lord get this woman out of my life, why did You put her here!
Nichole would see Michelle and disapear because she didn't want to see her or talk to her. Later, after a couple of months after the tour ended, one of the people she was friends with (who was on the tour too) said, "Did you hear what happened to Michelle last week?" Nichole, with an open admission "The condition of my heart then was horrible, so I said, 'So what did Miss Drama Queen do now?'" Her friend just looked at her and didn't talk for several minutes. Then just said, "Michelle commited suicide." This affected Nichole and wrote a song about this, that God places people in our paths for a reason and we are to be there for them.
I got autographs on the CD's of Nichole's and Casting Crowns. The lead singer, Mark Hall, was having voice problems and it was great he was able to sing what he did tonight. But he wasn't at the signing, which I understand. I did get to meet the band and that was GREAT! And being the dorky/goof ball/lame-o that I am, it was a complete fiasco! I got pictures of all of them, EXCEPT the drummer! He was the best looking of them all...well the wife of one of the guitarists was very pretty, but the drummer was bald and that made all the difference!
Anyways...I attended the concert and sat between two couples. My date was God and I was filled with joy before and during the concert. At the end loneliness started to sneek in. I tried and tried to look to the Lord for resolution with this, but nothing came and the depression and loneliness kept on building! It wasn't until I got outside that I started to sing to the Lord, which lifted my spirits. I am still fighting it.
I will be up front and honest about this, I hate being alone. It sucks! But there is a reason I am this way and the Lord wants me for something unique or to correct a fault I have. The Lord is working on me, changing me and I don't have a clue what He wants of me. But He knows and will complete His work in me eventually, even if I am dragged kicking and screaming. I am trying to have faith and place my confidence in His hands.
I also got insanely angry about this. I mean, the devil is attacking me with images of happy couples, pretty woman who are married walking around in groups of other women... I just couldn't take it anymore! I didn't want my joy sucked away, my peace drowned in mud. Satan has no right to do that (I said it in a more crude way), the Lord's joy and peace are His to give and the devil has no right to it. The Lord created the universe, He can do anything! (NOTE TO SELF- God will do what He wants- if He wants to suck the joy and peace out of someone for a particular reason, He will. If He wants to give a million dollars to a man who doesn't deserve it, He will).
I am tired as I will be helping a friend move tomorrow as well as do Feel the People. I hope your weekend is blessed and full of friendship, love, joy, peace and beauty!
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