Tired again!

Well, I am working my rear off on my sisters home. I also tripped while walking down the steps carrying a bucket of paint. It's amazing what an old injury can do when you least expect it. Yes, a bum ankle decided it didn't want to work any more and sent me stumbling down the steps, with a layer of paint on a part of my body!

Anyway...

Oh, my church is going to return the two devices we recently purchased to help us produce CD's. The cost savings would have been great! But they ended up costing us far more than we ever saved in ink and duplication. These "beasts" developed all sorts of problems that wound up damaging discs, burning them incorrectly, or printing them incorrectly. Sometimes, discs would get jammed in the printer, causing lots of problems for the person who has to fix it! Returning these "things" was a major answer to a prayer!

We had them since October and they have been constantly broke or worse, unusable! We returned one set and the next didn't do any better. I am not going to say the company name, unless someone asks. I wouldn't recommend them to anyone.

Other than that, I am very, very tired! I hope the Lord bless you- the reader- with Joy, Peace and Wisdom this weekend. Amen!

Tired.

Exhausted!
Talk about an answer to prayer! I prayed to do good, hard, fast work and I did. Now I am spent and I will not be able to do a proper blog tonight.

Until tomorrow!

God Bless!

Trust.

Trust is a hard thing to have with something. With people, trust is great to have, but as we all know, people are people and they can decide to not be trustworthy. Trust can be put into things, like your car, buildings, computers, climbing equipment, but like all things, they wear out and brake. Nothing is perfect and has to be inspected often to ensure it is still trustworthy.

When I was a tower climber for a small company, I had to put complete trust into my climbing gear. I mean, I had to have faith in a man made object and not the Lord. The idea took a long time for me to accept. It was then I realized, it wasn't faith in the gear, but faith in the Lord that He wouldn't let me fall. So to trust my gear, I had to inspect it everytime I climbed, and if my gear saved me from a fall, it had to be replaced.

With Jesus, I don't have to inspect Him everytime I pray to Him for help because He is always there. Also, if I fall, He is there to pick me up, and I don't have to replace Him, because He is forgiving of my sins. But why do so many people have to inspect Jesus so much?

I guess the idea of God wanting to live with us here on earth is too much for some people to accept. Or is it the idea that He was raised from the dead and left nothing behind? Well, all I can say is, you have to have faith that He did live, died and was risen from the dead. God really wants people to believe in Him, so He leaves a little out of the story. If everything was there, then can someone develop a true love or passion for Him? I mean, what would you do if I said, "Your kids don't want anything to do with you because they don't believe you are their parent. They want proof, such as the act of having sex, photos of themselves as embryos, photos of actual birth and interviews with all doctors and nurses and paperwork associated. Then, and only then would they 'think' you are their parent."
Sound absurd? Most people would be able to produce all but the first two items. Most children go off the faith and trust that their parents really are their parents. But, us as children, want absolute fact that He exists and Jesus was His son and died on a cross for our sins, but was raised from the dead on the third day.

If He doesn't exist, then explain the complexity of the Universe? Of Earth? The human body? Each individual creature, from bacteria to whales? Did you know, that the odds of making just one rung of a DNA strand of any one creature is 10^56 to 1? Granted, the Universe is 12 billion years old, but mathematicians have already figured out that the odds are against evolution.

Does that make me a Creationist or Intelligent Designist? Both, but I want to add a third item, adaptability of species occurs and has been observed. Creatures do change to meet the way the world changes. Look at the Wooly mammoth? A hairy elephant type of creature, but died out because of changing weather. There is so much I can spew out about this matter, I make myself tired just thinking about it. I know that God exists, heck, even the world's biggest atheist believes that there is a God, because of his constant analysis of the Universe for the past 50 years!

But do you have to believe? Not really. It's still up to you and you alone. Only you can save yourself and all I can do is point you in the right direction. Think about it while looking at a sunset or exploring a national park or observing the birth of a child.

----------------
While climbing, I never forgot to pray to the Lord to keep me safe and to be my strength. I trusted Him completely to get me through. Just like now, a rough period in my life, I have faith and trust in Him to get me through it because He is in control.

Out of town

For this week, I will be out of town helping my sister's family build a house. It also shows how strange the Lord can truly be!

This past summer, I lost my job and started working for a painting business that was owned by a friend of mine. It was great work! The labor was very hard and when we got done, everything looked great! Not to mention, I was so used to the outside heat, I didn't need to use my air conditioner. In fact, I loathed the use of AC and enjoyed what the Lord gave! I learned so much while working with my friend, it will last me a lifetime. Lets just say, everything you might know about painting, you can toss it out the window. Why? Because it's too slow and the results are no better than if you did it the way I learned. Well, everything was going great until one Saturday, August 3rd, 2005.

I was helping with a stain and paint job, doing lots of bending and stooping and I was starting to develop some pain in my left leg. At first, it was minor, but as the day wore on, it felt like someone was cutting off my left, burning it, stripping off the flesh, and pouring salt on it- all at the same time. No matter what position I was in, the pain the intense!! I also noticed, I lost some function in my left foot- I could raise it! Needless to say, my days as a painter ended.

Ever since then, I haven't been able to find a steady job, while the pain in my back has subsided- for now. Well, jump to now, Feb 6, 2006. My sister and her husband are building a house in the country and they have to get it done. The projects I have been given have been painting related. It seems they both really dislike to paint- well, my bother-in-law used the stronger word "hate", which I can see. Well, they gave me what I needed to start and today, BAM! Almost 70% of the inside of the house was primed (new walls- never been painted)! They are impressed. I am too! Why should I be? It wasn't me who did the painting, it was Jesus! He used me to do this and my back is not able to do it, but in His great love for my sister's family- who are believers- the pain in my back was turned off! Again, why would He do this?

This house is going to be used for the Lord's purposes. It was built following His direction and desire to help those who need help. To teach those who are unteachable. To train people to be missionaries and many, many more other possibilities!

I find it so hard to realize that the Lord put me through so much, just to help my sister now, because they hate to paint, and I kind of enjoy it! All I can say, He is so mysterious and so good and so loving that He would do this. Now I understand what I am going through!

- Lord Jesus! I now know I am blind to the future, because You can see it and understand the little thing I experience now will help a bigger event in the future! I cannot express how I really feel right now. I do know I beg for Your forgiveness in my lack of faith! You are the God who truly sees! You are love and You do care for us! Thank You Lord for the summer work and learning the painting! Thank You for the backpain and stopping me from going too far with the job! Thank You for keeping me free to help my sister and her family! Bless us Lord as we struggle to finish this house and put it back on schedule so it can be ready for them to move into soon! You are awesome and so loving to them! Bless them greatly Lord! Bless them with renewed faith! Holy, holy, holy are You Lord! In Your name I pray, Amen!

Psalm 02-05-06

I snivel.
I grumble.
I whimper.
I am a complainer.
I give my thoughts to You.
I pray for a clean view
I pray for release
These thoughts are a disease, remove them please.
You are my God and King,
I want You to reign over everything
You are the Lord of all.
Conquer my heart, scale its wall.
Attack the selfishness I use in defense.
Liberate the goodness I hold in pretense.
I praise Your mighty power and love
And I trust the Lord who reigns above.
Only You can set me free
From the bonds of arrogance and greed.
In secret I have given You the keys
To my heart because You are the One who truly sees.
I know, no matter what I do
You will be there to keep me close to You
To save me from myself,
From Satan, and everything else.

Grace.

When I first heard of grace, I thought of this: Graceful movements of a dancer or ice skater. It took me a long time to fully understand what "grace" really was. In fact, I had to read a book about it. Why is grace so important to blog about? God is full of grace!

Here is an example of grace: Let say someone killed a family member and that person was caught. What would you do? Would you help convict and possibly execute the criminal? Or would you forgive him and help him in his defense, even achieving victory in court? The last question is an example of God's grace. That is how forgiving He is and how much He loves us.

Charles Swindoll wrote a book called The Grace Awakening (which is what much of this blog is based upon) of which I've had it for almost a year, and haven't finished it, but I was impacted by it within the first few chapters. Many think that because of Jesus, all before Him are not saved. That is not the case. Because the Lord has said many times, "I AM the Living God and the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." To me, that means those men are with Him and that they are still alive. And, that was before the Law was given to God's Chosen through Moses.

So what does this mean to you? God's grace can forgive you of anything. Abraham didn't believe in God at first, but knew there was something out there. The Lord noticed this and made Himself known to him. This was before the Law of Moses with all of it's instructions and rituals, yet the Lord talked to Abraham. And from that day forward, God was active in this man's life. So what is the deal? Why did God do this? I thought Jesus was needed to be saved?

Grace. Plain and simple. God, with His infinite grace forgave Abraham and developed a relationship with Him. God even visited him and blessed Sarah with a child, even though she was very old. This boggles my mind! God, without Jesus, forgave a man that had never heard of Him, nor even really asked for forgiveness until much later in his life. I mean, God, the Father cannot tolerate sin, nor even look at it since He is so holy. Which leads me to believe something else, Jesus, even though He wasn't born yet, was with the Father. Because Jesus must have been able to look upon Abraham and forgive him of his sins. You see, Jesus, who died for our sins is able to look upon sin and can deal with it.

So, what does that mean to me? I am forgiven, even though I am not perfect. I still sin and I just ask the Lord to forgive me and move forward. Unless a sin is forgiven, Satan will assail you with shame and failure about the matter. He will even attack you after you have asked forgiveness, just to get you to fall. What can a person do? I have used this tactic, "Why are you attacking me with this? The sin is forgiven, because I know the Lord has forgiven me!" And let me tell you, it works, as long as you were honest with the Lord when you asked forgiveness. If you weren't, then the torment will continue.

-Dear Lord, I give so much thanks for Your awesome grace! I know without it, we wouldn't be here. Your grace has allowed us to love and worship You and to develop that close relationship You want to have with us. I know that love is the force behind Your actions, but it still takes grace to allow that love to flow. Thank You for loving me, regardless of my faults. Thank You for giving grace, regardless of my faults. Thank You for helping me regardless of my faults. I look forward to the wondrous day You have given and I will do my best to keep You the center of my focus today! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

A Loner...

Today, I discovered something about myself. Actually, I was told that I was this- I was being judged by a fellow believer, and I feel that she was right. I never really thought of myself as being this type of person.

I am a Loner.

I looked up the definition on a couple of online dictionaries and on Wikipedia.
A Loner is:

• A person who avoids the company or assistance of others. (wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn)
• One who avoids the company of other people; individualist; recluse; solitudinarian; troglodyte (Rawrr!) (www.thefreedictionary.com)
• Wikipedia had so much information on this subject, I will give the link, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loner

Being a Loner goes completely in the face of being a Follower of Christ. In a real Church Family, fellowship is very important. So is counting on others to help you and helping them when they need it. In fact, God wants us to be with other believers and helping them make it through this dark and hateful world! Yet, here I am, a Loner, who happens to be a Christian.

Now, reading the definitions, you can see that being a Loner really isn't an enjoyable label. I mean, being called a "troglodyte" isn't a very nice thing to say to someone. Now, I'm not bashing the person who said I was a Loner, and she probably didn't realize there was a connection between the words. So what is it about being a Loner and why does it bother me?

I started thinking about this and I discovered that being a Loner means, I deal with people on my own terms. And guess what else I realized? The term Loner can apply to just about anyone else in this world. Most people don't like to deal with others, unless it is on their own terms, or when they are ready to communicate. I realized that about myself tonight.

My church was having a function to help people get connected with a Small Group or Life Group. I am already involved in a Life Group and I love the friendship and the sense of family I get. Yet, I realize I need to be out of my apartment more often because I am becoming a troglodyte! So, I decided to look for another group to join that had only single people that are closer to me in age. And, I was there to take pictures for this ministry that runs the Life Groups. As everyone started to group up, I didn't.

At first, I didn't know what it was. I felt confused, shy (which I'm not normally), and just plain dumb. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide (which I tried to do a couple of times). Yet, I was able to walk around the room comfortably and took pictures, but I couldn't sit with a group. It wasn't until I was asked to join a table did I pick a group. Later, this experience got me to thinking about myself and how I have viewed and dealt with others.

I tend to be very giving of my time to the church, but there are times, I am very selfish with it. I get into these modes that I don't want to deal with anyone. I want to be by myself and I sometimes don't like to be disturbed. I decide I want to do something and do it, which usually means locking out the world. Recently, this happens a lot... well, this has been going on for sometime. You see, I forced myself to be this way. When I was a child, there was a period in my life I didn't have any friends- literally. I lost them all because of depression and lack of selfworth. I then turned to my imagination and toy models to keep myself entertained.

When I did find a friend, I had a tendency to burn them out from playing with them too much, then I would find another friend. Soon, I had friends of every shape and size. Some of them were total opposites of another set of friends and sometimes would fight. I then learned not to hang around them as much and that meant keeping them at a distance. It always hurt when I lost a friend because of my own selfishness and I reasoned this was the best way for me to survive.

I don't have a very big circle of friends and of those, I am only close to two (one of which isn't a believer). All the others, I basically have surface based friendships. I find myself not getting into deep conversations with people because I don't know what to talk about. Therefore, being a Loner means, having poor communication skills. I also didn't want to get hurt any more. Everyone that I have become close to has otherwise left or died. I don't deal well with mental pain because my mind just can't grasp how to solve it. All I can do now is give it up to the Lord.

-Dear Lord, today, You exposed a painful truth in my life. I am a Loner. I don't like it because it isn't a good trait to have if I am to be Your servant. If I am to be friendly to people, show love and compassion, and being there for those I love, then change that in me! I don't want to be a loner. I want to be like You, with a heart that enjoys talking and sharing with people, no matter who they are. Help me reach out to others and seek lasting, loving, and deep friendships. Help me develop a heart that wants to be around others and is a good communicator. Shape me into more of what You want me to be, so I can help others see You through me. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Psalm Dated 2-1-06

My Lord, I fear.
I fear taking the next step.
I fear walking the next mile.
I fear eduring the next trial.
I fear.
You say, "Don't fear."
"Don't fear the next step because I am guiding you."
"Don't fear the next mile because I can see it for you."
"Don't fear the next trial because I will be with you."
"Don't fear."
I want You, my Lord, to be the focus of my mind.
I know it is a "want", but isn't it a desirable kind?
To have You as my Lord and King,
To rule over my everything.
To seek You out when I can
To place You on top of my throne again.
I bow before You and give up my life
Because I accepted Your holy light
Help me be less of me
and to grow more to be like Thee.

Control

He is in control. God is in control. But why does it seem like everything is out of control? This is a hard question, and I hope to give as good of an answer as I can.

First, read my post on Godly Love and understand how "free will" affects many things in this world. Generally, I feel, God will not interfere with free will, but will try to influence decisions that could affect His plan for someone or something or the bigger plan for the whole world. Sometimes, as is the case with Pharaoh from the book of Exodus, God will actively want something done to affect a change He wants. When you get down to it, that is enormous power and control!

But, why does it seem like everything is out of control?

Well, the Earth orbits an irritated Sun and it's distance rarely changes. Science does know that if the Earth's orbit moves any more closer to the Sun (other than the normal wobbles we currently experience) all life on earth will end. If it moves too far out, all life will freeze to death. Many people feel that gravity is keeping us orbiting the Sun. But why doesn't the Earth move closer to the Sun? I mean, astronomy observers are constantly seeing stars capturing other stars and absorbing them or black holes pulling in other stars. To me, God is in control.

Plus, if you haven't noticed, God loves wild and dangerous environments. In our solar system alone, we have extremely hot planets to cold and frigid black orbs. Then there are the gas giants, with Jupiter's red spot storm that is larger than 20 Earths. What about those colliding stars or super novae? Or look at the wildness of our own Earth?

So back to the question, is God in control? Of course! We just have understand that. And the great thing is, He will never give us anything that we can't handle. I know, because I have experienced His compassionate love and help when I was at the end of my wits one period in my life. And literally, the solution was there before I had a chance to even think about failure. To me, I see that God is in control and He is far more active that you can ever imagine. Does that mean I never experience lack of faith or doubt? As I have said in the past, I am not perfect and those are two things I am not. Why? Because some things really test your faith and courage.

So, why does God test you? He wants you to have genuine, open, honest, love for Him. If you really love Him, then you might experience a life full of trouble. Or, if you have a life of trouble, He could make it stop and peace will be in your heart. Anything is possible with Him, because He knows all that is happening.

Well, if He is in control of everything and is a loving and compassionate God, why did that earthquake and tsunami occur in the Indian Sea?
My answer to that is this, I am not completely sure why. God is God and His ways are mysterious. I can say something, but I don't truly know.
I can tell you the outcome:

• It allowed people of faith to visit areas of the world that were previously closed to them.
• It offered people the ability to help those in need.
• To many, it gave hope of a brighter future, because so much help was given.
• To others, it angered them, because not enough help was given or they have yet to receive any help at all because their government doesn't trust anyone.
  
• I have heard stories of amazing faith in action that saved hundreds of lives.
• Orphans have been adopted into other countries, possibly giving those children better lives.

More things happened in that region than we can ever fully comprehend. But through it all, God was in control.

Godly Love

What is God's love? Well, God is love. It is the most powerful aspect of God. Everything He does is because of love. In fact, the Bible and the Torah are God's love in action. He wants us to know, He loves us and will do anything to take care of us.

I once saw a program from Showtime that featured Penn and Teller (magicians/comedians/entertainers) and the name of the program was "Bulls***!" This episode was focused on the Bible. I had a hard time watching it because of their attitudes (mocking/scoffing/cynical), but it did get me to think. One point they mentioned was this: If God was a loving and compassionate God, why did He kill the first born in Egypt?

So I prayed about this and the answer came. Pharaoh was given many chances, to let the Israelites go. He was asked repeatedly by Moses to free them, and he refused. Each time, he was warned that the calamities would get worse and that he, and the people of Egypt, would pay a horrible price for his arrogant willful hardened heart (Exodus 12:29-32). Read the book of Exodus, Message //Remix or New Living Translation editions. They are very easy to read and will allow you to understand them better.

Now, to many, that would not seem like a God of love, but if we read Genesis chapter 17, we read of God's promise and covenant with Abraham. He promised Abraham that he would be a father of many nations and that Canaan would belong to his children. Now, if anyone knows anything about God, He keeps His promises. So, looking back to Exodus 12:29-32, I can see someone taking it completely out of context, but if you read all of Exodus, then you would see how the Israelites had suffered and God heard their cries. Do you see what I am trying to point out? God's love and His complete trustworthiness to keep His promises.

God made a promise to the father of the Israelites, Abraham, and He was keeping that promise. And the Lord will do what it takes to keep that covenant and He continues to keep it today. I know some will say, "Why did He allow it?"

The Lord gave us a gift called Free Will. This gift can seem like a curse to some and a blessing to others. Free Will allowed sin into our lives, through Adam, but Free Will allowed us to be redeemed, through Jesus. God gave Pharaoh the choice to "Let My people go!" and was warned of the consequences many times if he didn't comply. So you see, Free Will can get us in trouble with the Lord if we outright refuse to obey Him. Read the book of Jonah to understand what obeying God means.

Jonah flat out didn't want to do what the Lord asked of him. God chased him and told him to "...[Go] to Nineveh! Preach to them. They're in a bad way and I can't ignore it any longer." Jon 1:1-2 MSG

It isn't until the end of the book that we see what the Lord wants to show us. If we don't do what He wants us to do, when He wants us to do it, the consequences of our choices will be evident. In Jonah's case (Jon 4:5-11), the Lord used a tree to represent Nineveh and the worm was the destruction He promised would happen if this great city didn't repent. Now, the people of this city wouldn't have known they were in danger if Jonah didn't obey and they would have been destroyed. So, Jonah saw the worm moving towards the tree and could have stopped it, but didn't and the tree died because of his willful inaction.

Finally, what is my point? Pharaoh could have saved his son, and all of those first born in Egypt, if he would have let the Israelites go. The blame isn't on God, but on Pharaoh.

Freedom

What do I mean by freedom? Is it freedom related to the U.S.? Or freedom related to doing what I want? How about freedom of life, related to religion? It's that last question I am referring to. Everyone, who has ever been born and will be born has been given freedom, because of God's awesome grace.
To be a true Follower of Christ, you must understand we have freedom. Freedom to worship the Lord in any way you choose. Freedom to love Him any way you choose. Freedom to trust Him any way you choose. Freedom from lists. Freedom from religion. Freedom from rituals. Freedom from sin. Freedom to read His word. Freedom to be with Him.
Your relationship can be as stiff or as personal as you choose. Of course, all actions affect things when we go to be with Him, but I hope you get the point. If you don't, then let me explain: Many Christians think that drinking alcohol is a sin. I have news for you- nowhere does it say in the Bible that drinking is a sin. Even Jesus drank wine! But, drinking TOO MUCH alcohol will generally lead to sin because it breaks down barriers we normally put up help us think about our actions.
It is anyone's choice if they drink and it isn't my place to tell them not to because I might "feel" it is a sin. But, if it's my brother or sister in Christ, and they are getting sloshed and making life hard on themselves, then I will step in. Why? Because, we should help fellow believers not to sin.
There are some who feel that smoking is a sin. Again, the Bible doesn't say that it is, plus, smoking isn't even mentioned. So, what is sin? Sin is something that takes control of you. Sin is something that removes your focus from what is important in life. Sin is something that takes you away from the Lord. Sin causes a person to defy the Lord. You see, some sin isn't global, i.e. drinking, smoking, gambling, video games... "Whaa? Video games? How can video games be a sin?", you might say. Let me explain, a dry alcoholic knows of the horrors of alcohol, but also knows that everyone isn't affected by alcohol like they would be. The same is true for video games, some people can play and leave them, while others are hooked on them like some sort of drug!
A few years ago, I was a junky when it came to video games. I was playing online, and would be involved in epic campaigns to slaughter thousands of "men or creatures" in massive multiplayer games. I was good, not great, but good enough that I could join a game clan and be counted on to help them win. I felt powerful when I won, almost prideful. Then there were times I would be raging mad... no red rage angry when I would loose or catch someone cheating. All I could think about was getting my game fix. It consumed me to the point it affected my relationships with people, especially my wife. One day, I clocked over 14 hours in a single sitting (that week alone, I did four days of solid game play), killing thousands of men in these virtual wars. I was also just starting to go back to church, after being away for almost 20 years.
Then one day, as I was floating my pride over a huge win, something inside of me said, "Why are you playing this game? Why do you gloat over the death of a soldier in a battle re-enactment from World War II? Look at all of that death! This isn't fun, and it is consuming you, which isn't what I planned for you!" I had never heard that voice before so I ignored it.
The next day, the voice was back, and again I ignored it, but kept on talking I become more soured to the game I was playing. Then I started to become soured to all games. Then it dawned upon me, "The Lord considered this to be sin, because it was taking my focus off of Him." The next morning, the desire to play games that was there every morning, was gone. In fact, I detest playing them most of the time.

So what is freedom? Having faith in the Lord and loving Him with all your heart, mind, and strength and loving others as well as you love yourself.

-Lord, I pray that someone will read this and understand something You would like for them to know. Your wisdom comes in special ways and it can help others see You in a different light. Your love for us and Your amazing grace, gave us freedom to love You and worship You. Lord, you want a personal relationship with us, with nothing in between. I know that many religions or denominations have rules or regulations to control their believers. But I now know, You don't need that to enjoy a life full of abundant joy and peace. You have been so good to me as I have struggled with life and I should have trust in You to change me to be the man You want me to be. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

What can I say?

Well, I wasn't able to keep my promise tonight to take photos. It seems I heard the times wrong for the meeting. Or something else happened and I didn't have a clue as to what went on.

So, I have broken a promise. And I have been trying to do my best to keep my promises, especially when it comes to church matters. It angers me that it happened and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I am going to have to do some major explaining tomorrow, if I see the people who organized the event. I hope I do because I messed up, even though I don't know how.

Well, for my birthday, I get to baby sit two sick CD Printers. One is a worn out robot and the other is a new monster that has "issues". It used to be a non-baby-sit task when it came to printing CDs, now I "have" to be here.

Sometimes, I like being here, because it gets me out of my apartment and around people. Well, if people are here when I print the CDs. Usually, I show-up around or after my church's 5 PM Saturday service to print the CDs so that they are ready for recording the next morning. I do this to make sure the message title and speaker is set in stone. This tactic works 98% of the time. Sometimes, things happen and a speaker wouldn't be able to make it and we would have 100 CDs with that speakers name on them. At that point, a Sharpie marker corrects it. What has happened in the past was the message title and the speaker changes or the whole series name changes and we have these 100 CDs that are basically useless. That is when we pull out the peel-and-stick labels.

Another reason I like being here is I can spend a deep moment with the Lord. It isn't often you can just sing or yell out, "I LOVE THE LORD" in a big building without getting in trouble or people looking and pointing at the Jesus Freak. Plus, this building seems alive! It seems to breathe and make noises, almost in response to questions. I know that God exists everywhere, but sometimes, I feel Him here. Almost as if He has made a "home away from Home" in the Worship Center.

Man, I am just trying to enjoy baby-sitting this monster of a CD printer, but I'm not. Oh well, Happy Birthday.

Today is....

My birthday! I have decided to give it to the Lord today. I helped a friend move some things and I will be taking photographs for my church. I want to give my birthday to Him, because He has given me so much.
I also want to give praise to the Lord for answering my small group's prayer for two members. They will be marrying each other soon and will be combining two families into a new house, but they had to sell their own homes too. Today, hopefully, the last home has an offer! This is great when the Lord helps because He helped them at the last minute! He is so awesome and so good!

I struggle many times with giving control to the Lord. I know I need to if He is going to work in my life. So I say this a lot, "My life is in His hands." I know I have been a bad manager of my life and I constantly rely on my own judgment, when I should give it up to Him. I also have ignored Him too because, in a childish way, I thought His decision wasn't fun.

The Lord knows how I tick, so I trust in Him that He will turn my thinking around on what is fun or isn't fun into always being fun. Wouldn't it be a trip to constantly think of everything as being enjoyable? I would never be bored!

-Dear Lord, I give thanks for answering the small group's prayer about Tammy and Brad. You have answered their needs and I pray they are successful in selling the final home. I also give thanks Lord for my Mother and her visit this weekend. I pray she is able to visit everyone she was wanting to visit and her travel is free of injury. Lord, I continue to pray for Your strength to overcome the these mental blocks that are in my head that slow or stop the flow of Your wisdom, insight and love. I need You on a moment by moment basis and I know that without You, I will not be able to do anything. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Dreams

Today, I had a strange dream. I was in some part of the world that looked like parts of Wyoming or Western South Dakota; very few trees, white rock sticking out of the ground in places, green grass, and very hilly. Almost like an old Disney animal documentary.
Parts of the dream were in an old log cabin, with two great big sheep with horns. We seemed to be enjoying ourselves and everything was going well, until the ram showed up.
One sheep and me were walking towards the cabin, just about to go into the door when this ram, which was much smaller, tried several times to butt his horns into the sheep's rear. But the sheep always gets away from him just in time. While this is happening, I am completely ignored. After awhile, the ram turns away and the sheep then tries to butt him back, but I didn't see contact because I saw some bears in the distance.
Next thing I see, the sheep is next to me and I decide to start petting and scratching his ears and noticing it acting just like a dog. I also notice the outline of a sewing seam just around the head and eyes of the sheep (quite obvious, since it had a back comfort strip sewn in too). There was wool in the dark eyes of the creature and feet were not like hooves, but were great big paws. Confused, I stop petting and it leaves to go back to the cabin. The ram was still nearby, just looking at me, not doing anything. Then I look behind me and see a great big gray and brown bear, waiting for me, but not really doing anything dangerous either. He/she was just scratching and licking itself, but stopped as soon as I looked. I decide get up and run, but my alarm goes off.

God uses dreams to warn you of something. He uses dreams to help you warn others of things. Joseph, while jailed in Egypt, was called upon by Pharaoh to explain a dream he had. Because of God's gift to Joseph of wisdom and how to interpret dreams, he told Pharaoh what the dream was about. Then there was Daniel, while in Babylon, and with the help of the Lord, was able to interpret dreams of the king (one of which, he wasn't told what the dream was and had to explain it) and had his own dreams about the future. Or the Apostle John, which many people don't realize, wrote the book of Revelation from a dream or sets of dreams.
When you get a dream that is very vivid, has color (which some people claim dreams are black and white), and is symbolic beyond comprehension, it could be from God. I would recommend praying about if you are not sure what is was or where it came from.
-Lord, You defy comprehension. You can confuse me to death and I know I will never fully understand how You work. At best, I can only summarize Your infinite complexity, but I know it will never fully do You justice. Because I know, You don't like to be placed in boxes, i.e. God will do that or God will do this. You always do something different and unique everytime!
-Thank You Lord for the dreams I have been given. You warned me that my life will change dramatically once I came back to You. In that dream I was told that I would be leaving the confines of a comfortable home and life, for the bleak and black, crumbling world to serve You. You've explained to me how You protected me during my unfortunate marriage, stopping the painful knives of lies and abuse from piercing me. You also have shown I am running faster in the race of life to get closer to You advancing from one pack to another. Lord, help me understand this latest dream, and if it has come from You. I pray for wisdom and insight from You in this matter and I look forward to another wonderful day with You as my Lord and King. I give praise for Your awesome healing power with baby Sedona and I pray she will give You glory as she is raised under Your watchful eye. Please bless me and expand my territory, take my hand and guide me along Your path. Pull me away from evil and laziness and help me not to cause pain to those I love and to others. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

I Have Been deceived

He lies. He lies. He LIES!
Satan, that prideful, arrogant... he has mentioned this to me, or one of his cronies: If you aren't good, God will take away His love.
Bull. I have read that the Lord's "love is like SuperGlue, once it's given to you, it will never be taken away! And only He can decide when and what I do with His love!"
Imagine that, no matter how rotten a person becomes, God will still love you and forgive you. We just have to remember that our actions will have consequences.

Proverbs 26
This chapter about wisdom seems to be focused on fools and lazy people. I can identify with that. I sit on the Stool of Fools a lot. I also think my name is carved on the seat, because I do sit and stay there a lot. As for being lazy, yes, I have been and I still am. Do I fight it? Yes. Am I successful, I am not sure.
One proverb, 26:7 "A proverb quoted by fools is limp as a wet noodle" (MSG)
Well, I hope you like wet noodles, cause I have many of them.
Lord, I am frustrated at my lack of energy, motivation, desire, and at times heart, when it comes to just living. Please, knock over those blocks in my heart/mind that have affected me so. I desire to be out of this desert You (or I have put myself in) I am in. Please, bless me this day and expand my territory, take my hand and hold it strong to Your path. Keep my away from the Evil One and help me not to cause pain to those I love and to total strangers. In Jesus name, Amen.
Ah, but I am not done!
Romans 9
I realize that many Christians have missed the point. Life isn't about lists of what a person can do or not do. Life is about loving God and letting Him take control of our seemingly out of control lives. So, I try as best as I can to give up control of my life to the Lord and let His plan and desires flow through me to help others.
Many of you don't know this, but I go with a church group, every couple of months, to feed homeless people in the Kansas City area. I have seen very disturbing things and I have seen the Lord's love through each of these visits. He has always protected us and given us blessings for what we do EVERYTIME! We always have enough food to feed hundreds of people. It happens everytime.
So, back to Romans 9. The early Jews didn't see what the Lord was doing because they were focused trying to do what God wanted, instead of them trusting God. The Paul said of Isaiah, "Careful! I've put a huge stone on the road to Mount Zion (Israel), a stone you can't get around. But the stone is ME! If you're looking for Me, you'll find Me on the way, not in the way." (Rom 9: 32-33 MSG)
Lord, I hope, I really hope I have been putting You first and trusting YOU to do what You want in my life. I know that all of creation is Yours and I am just one of Your creations. I also know, life isn't about me, it is about You and giving You glory. Lord, let my life, this life You've given, be glorious to You. Let me be a shining light to others is this dark and lonely world. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Psalm Dated 1-25-06

Keeper of my spirit and soul, I give my trust to You.
You desire my love as I desire Your love.
You are perfect, beyond comprehension,
Yet each one of us has infinite amounts of Your attention.
You love us regardless of what we have done,
Are doing,
Or will ever do.
You are love- perfect, unfailing, unending, selfless, amazing.
I love the Lord! For He is my God!
There will never be any god before Him,
And there will never be any after Him.
He is eternal,
He was there at the creation of the universe,
He is here now,
He will be there in the future, when it all ends.
He is God, the Father, Maker of all, Designer of everything, the Great I AM.

Psalm Dated 8-19-04

Rivers of beautiful love flow from You Lord.
It covers all and gives us joy and peace.
Your love gives hope and I look forward to more.
The flowing rivers of love that come from You
Quenches my spiritual thirst.
Your love fills my cup to overflowing.
Your love flows from me to others.

Psalm Undated

Lord, I have fallen and You picked me up.
Yet, I fell again- swimming in despair and self-pitty, not trying to get out of my hole.
I felt rage, anger, hatred, fear, exhaustion.
Still, You tenderly talked to me and held my hand as I collapsed into destruction and depression.
Not once did You leave me as I struggled with my pain.
Then, at a perfect time, You tell me to have faith.
"Why?" I ask.
You say, "Because, you give faith to others. You build them up to worship the Father. You encourage the weak, you test the strong and you, through the Lord's gifts, help others see the light. The Father has given you the power to encourage others and to bring glory to the Lord. What you experience and how you go through it are perfect examples of the Father's love for you."
I said, "Please forgive me! I am not worthy of the dust that lies at Your feet! And yet, dear Lord, You've given me this gift? I am humbled... Please, use me as Your will desires!"
The Father restored me to faith and I honor Him for His love and perfect teaching.

The first one.

Well, this is it.
The first of hopefully many posts. I have a penchant to write a lot and I seem to think better with a keyboard.
About this blog. I am a Follower of Christ. Some would say a Christian, but I feel that term has been used and abused so much in the last two thousand years. People hate it, their lips curl at it, and at once, I am judged to be someone or something different than I really am.

So, what do you think I am? A Christian or a Follower of Christ? Will you prejudge me before you know me? Will you be a hypocrite who accuses me of being a judgmental, imperfect, selfish, self-centered, prideful, arrogant man? Well, I have an answer to your accusations; I am imperfect, I can be selfish, self-centered, I can be arrogant and prideful and, yes (big shocker) I have been judgmental. I am, after all, a human being, prone to failure and crushing defeat, but I have faith in the One who is perfect in all ways that He will move me to change those traits.

To me, He is perfectly selfless, perfectly other-centered, humble and isn't judgmental, but does have the authority to judge us. His name is Jesus, Son of the Living God, and He is love, pure and simple. Welcome to my blog if you can stand reading about a Follower of Christ or Christian.

What will you see here? My journals to the Lord. Also, I will try to post what I feel/think I hear during my quiet time with Him. I won't post everything. Sometimes, what I feel is very personal and only He should know what is going on.

Finally, I will post psalms. Some will be good, others will not be so good. You can decide.