In Chicago

Hi.
I haven't written in awhile.
Today, I'm in Chicago. I'm here for training on X-Ray equipment and software. Today was the software portion and it was interesting and boring at the same time. I will not elaborate.

I realize I need to change my life. Actually, I have to. My old life is crashing down around me. I have to make a new reality, a new future, walk a new path. I know this path will not be easy and it will be rewarding and fulfilling. I have to walk it, acknowledge it, be it, do it, and HAVE it.

This path will take me away from having a relationship. I am lonely, yet I know I have to enjoy this time. Because it will not be the same once I do find someone...then again, I might not be allowed to have a wife. Ever! And I just have to accept that, and own up to it. Because I am starting to feel I am not ready to have a relationship.

Why? Because I have too many inappropriate behaviors, attitudes, lusts and desires that aren't friendly to a marriage. I now know and own up to my behaviors during my marriage. I was partially to blame for it failing! She was a heathen bitch (in her own words), wanting sex outside of the marriage with men and women, while lying to me the entire time we were married about her "male friend" relationships. While I was in a Parent/Child mode relationship (I was the Parent figure and eventually she resented me for it and rebelled) in which I eventually shutdown because I felt like a complete failure at loosing the job that caused us to loose it all!

I...have...to...change...for...me...and...not...for...anyone...else! Not even for possible future children and/or a future wife. Me alone and only for me. Not even for you, reader of blogs.

Oh, I have this to say, God Bless Kristy Burns and everything she wants to do. I have forgiven her and I don't want to see her again or to think about her ever again. The mere thought of her steals my happiness, my strength, my peace. SO I HOPE THE LORD WILL BLESS HER OUT OF EXISTENCE IN MY MIND! Goodnight everyone and I hope the Lord will bless you with peace and joy tomorrow!